The Problem With Choosing A Gummy Bear As Your Spirit Animal

I should start this off by saying that back in 2012, I declared my spirit animal to be a gummy bear. Which is just about as serious a commitment I’ve made to anyone ever. Maybe even more serious than my impending nuptials, if I’m being honest.

animalHowever, after closer inspection of the term “Spirit Animal” on Urban Dictionary dot com, I’m beginning to wonder if I committed too quickly to this gummy bear animal.
SpiritAnimal

Gummy Bear:

Small in size, vibrant in color, boxy in stature, with a rounded abdomen that could be described as “squishy.” Skills include soaking up vodka, sitting in bowls, and singing and performing in music videos. When faced with being an ice cream topping, they turn into chewy, almost painfully hard rocks, and they’ve also been known to lie about their real flavor. (The green ones are strawberry flavored. Yes, green = strawberry, according to gummy bears.)

I’m not saying I don’t embody a significant number of these things. Because I’m only 5’2, just a few inches shy of being the legal height of a little person, I am a bit boxy. My red hair is arguably a ‘vibrant’ hue and, on more than one occasion, I’ve soaked up a significant amount of vodka.

But turning to stone around ice cream? I’m just not OK with that. Had I given this more than a passing thought, I would’ve picked a more sensible animal to embody my spirit, like a sloth, or Wild Turkey. #regrets